dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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