And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
