You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
