I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
