She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
