dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
