I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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