ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
