I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
