A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
