you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
