Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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