first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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