I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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