I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
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he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
