WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
