I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
