i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
