Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
you never un-have a 4some
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
