I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Are my feet made of real feet?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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