If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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