sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
