I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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