Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
