Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
