I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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