we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
