At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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