I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
this is an emotional support booty call
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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