You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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