you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
