So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
