i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
