good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
