"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
