it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
