i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
