I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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