If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
