Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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