"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Randomize
