The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
