I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize