i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
