I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
