I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
