thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
