I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
