I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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