I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
