i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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