I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize
