You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
