Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
