I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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