loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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